Tuesday, 14 May 2019

It must be the parent: why unconscious incompetence is dangerous!

I feel so angry my head could explode! I'm supposed to be off today but I've written a report. A report on a boy who social workers, CAHMS and school feel is 'fine' but I know is not.

I had a call from the social worker who told me that they suspect the parent of making up their child's issues and that he's 'fine in school'. In fact even the head teacher says he's quite 'normal'. Yet the parent talked about her 7 year old wanting to die, having awful melt-downs, not understanding the world etc The boy himself confided in me that he doesn't want to be here in the world and it's just too scary. He has tried to run in front of a car, jump out of  an upstairs window and hold his head under the bath water...he's 7 for Gods sake!!!

The social worker feels that as I'm 'private' the parent has shopped around to find someone who will agree with her and as I'm 'private' I would, because I will have been paid.

I'm not angry that she has, in effect, called me unprofessional, I'm angry because the rest of the people involved don't know what they don't know. George and Miriam, two brilliant parents I know, discuss this as 'unconscious incompetence' which sums it nicely.

The boy has significant language issues which he doesn't want people to know about, he wants to please, to do his best and not be seen as different but the cost of keeping this up, is enormous; so he has to let it out when he's at home, where he can be himself. The toll on his mental health is rising.

This is a phenomenon known as masking which many parents of children with ASD know all to well. However, its not just confined to the autistic population, children with any type of issue may do it. This particular boy needs assessing for ASD but ones with developmental language disorder can also display this.

Please, please let's just listen; listen to the parents who are at their wits end, listen to the child who is struggling, listen to your instinct!


No comments:

Post a comment